Blog

Then and now...

19 May, 2024

Please don't read this blog as me being, conceited, self deprecating, or being thirsty, (seeking attention). This blog is neither. It is some honest tid bits about then and now, and was spurred, when a client from long ago, rebooked today......

 When I now look back at some of my earlier photos and videos, I see how truly lovely I was. Certainly far from perfect, and clearly not everyone's cup of tea, but not to shabby, lol. I had beautiful skin, a very toned, slender body, soft, thick hair, bright clear eyes, gorgeous full (yes naturally full), lips, and big, perky boobies. I had all of that. Yet I couldn't see it. There were so many haters who'd post put downs, and insults about me, that I began to see out of their hateful eyes. I became insecure and unkind to myself..... In life, an attractive, intelligent woman, no matter the profession, has a lot of wars to fight. Jealousy is usually the biggest enemy, which infects many, and does so in this profession, especially. It is kind of sad when I think back to how I allowed low lifes and ner do wells take over my thoughts. But I'm also proud of myself for surviving so much strife, sadness and the difficulties I had face. Two of the biggest blows I've had to deal over the past few years with were the deaths of my beloved dogs, and being outted, to where I had to move out of my residence of 15 years...the stress of those things took it's toll. My dogs health issues weren't caused by anyone of course, but their care was expensive, and that in itself was stressful, as was losing them. I spent tens of thousands trying to prolong their lives......I loved them so. Trying to earn that money to put towards their care, however, was very stressful. As there were a few people who tried everything in their power to prevent me from doing so. My outting was also caused by jealous, hateful people in my industry, and that too was expensive and stressful. It also taught me lots. Every stressful event, be it caused by another person/s, or just a part of life, I believe, is a teaching moment. I've matured a lot, and although I'm no longer as physically lovely, I think my understanding of people, life, and all that growth, supercedes everything else.

 Over this past year I've had a few clients who saw me years ago, reach out and want to revisit. Which imo, is very flattering. I'm flattered that I'd be remembered after so much time. It also causes me a bit of stress....Because I wonder do they expect me to look the same, or will they be understanding towards aging? I do post recent pictures, but even then, some men still see things differently than they are....Back then, I looked night and day, to what I do now....and the new booking from another client from my past, prompted me to go back in time, post an old video, and to reminisce....... https://twitter.com/CristyMature/status/1555172227607416835  I'm surprised at the changes, time, stress and my junk food binges have brought about, lol. I say LOL, because I also find it funny. Pysical looks me so little to me now. I suppose I just see how superficial all that is.....Yes, time has flawed my physicality, but it has also matured my sensibilities and my mind. It has made me appreciate what is truly important. For that I'm grateful.... Maybe those clients will see that too:)