The absurdity of it all........
I've tried hard this past year especially, to be more excepting of others opinions, to take what I read onine with a grain of salt, and to try and understand the perspectives of some of the authors of articles I've read . I know how I interpret things isn't always how they are meant to be interpreted, and because I disagree with something it doesn't make that something necessarily bad, or wrong. Yet I also know I've a right to speak openly about what bothers me, and what I find wrong. Without being attacked personally because I do so. Anyone has a right to disagree with my point of view, no one has a right to belittle me because they dislike my thoughts. Adults can have differing opinions without resorting to personal insults. But then you have the internet. Which gives far to many the confidence to say things they'd never say in front of me or you anonymously. To brag, to troll, and too become someone they are not. In my industry this type of behavior is most prevelant on review boards. On this issue, I am not so accepting of other opinions, especially from those who support or defend review boards and who deny accepting the flaws the boards have and issues they cause. I feel as long as something exists that causes more harm than good, it needs to change or be removed.
This year I've spoken out loudly about my disdain for review boards, more than ever before. I've done this because I feel they've become even more toxic and harmful to my industry. Sp411 is living proof. When I speak out, I have taken into consideration the thoughts and needs of those who rely on them. As when I speak I am speaking not just for my own beliefs and needs, I'm also speaking on their behalf. I want the industry better for all of us. Sadly, I feel, they never have the same consideration for me, when they praise and defend the boards.
If we're all going to be honest, and by we, I am meaning escorts and clients within the escort community. We'll admit that we all know that most escorts are out there selling their bodies, because even though we say we sell our time, we all know first and foremost, what attracts most clients, is the physicality of the escort. We also know, some are selling their bodies out of necessity, not because they're horny or because they enjoy escorting. The narrative review boards promote is that all their escort members are horny and insatiable, and their clients are all generous and considerate and everyone is happily comingling......Yet in truth, there are clients who put little consideration into the needs of the escort they contact. They ignore contact protocols, the escorts working hours, and other important specifics the escort requires. The clients I speak of, want what they want, when and where they need it and speak to us as they see fit and contact us at their whim, with no remorse or apology. Some of them even resent the fact that they see escorts and eventually some of those clients will take that discontent out on some escort/s at some point and time. Remember I am speaking generally. We also are aware that many escorts on review boards aren't actually wearing Louboutin heels on their dates, and driving to see clients in their 100,000$ cars, or inviting a client over to their penthouse incalls to sip on Cristal, while they beg you to lick their pussies. We also know that most clients aren't ultra wealthy, gifting their favorites with Patek Philippes or Birkin bags, and only see escorts occasionally. We also know the escorts who make it known they make enough to afford such luxuries as 1000$ + shoes and 100,000$ cars, also can be known to belittle those who don't, and also create stigma's that being a well heeled escort, or one who is struggling, makes one or the other, better or worse. Clients too are guilty of this..... They create hierarchies, which are then promoted and supported on the review boards to which they are members. Another reality is that many escorts become escorts not because they're more sexually aware, advanced or even more sexual than other people, and want to share that sexuality. They become an escort because that is their only or last resort, and this is another of the reasons I take issue with review boards. The review boards do NOTHING to help those escorts struggling or who do escorting reluctantly. Review boards however do everything to support and promote those escorts who pretend to be loving escorting and living the posh life because of it. The boards also allow the clients who use and abuse escorts, membership, and a forum and platform on which those clients then promote their misogyny and bitterness. I mention those escorts who pretend to love escorting, because many do pretend, and this pretense isn't always done maliciously, it's done so some can survive and thrive. In order to be successful in this business most have to pretend. Since honesty in this business is known to ruin people...... so many involved in the community will ignore the realities of it. Some are aware and don't want to know the reality of it. Some just don't care to know and some won't admit to it even when they do know.
Another example of civie people who are board admons not truly understanding sex work and those involved in it, is this thread.......In this particular thread https://www.lyla.ch/topic/188901-anyone-struggle-being-present-during-sex/ , on the review board Lyla, it's representative "lydiahardwood" feels asking sex workers and their clients, if any of them "struggle *being present* during sex" as being an appropriate question to ask the "community". ........when I first read this I thought this "Lydia" was making a joke, then I realized once again this person was being serious, ignorantly serious........and I thought how ironic..... Does this person truly not understand sex work? Can this review board admin truly be that naive or ignorant? The irony in the question "do you struggle to be present during sex" when posed to a sex worker is almost comical. Almost as comical as asking the clients who see escorts, if they struggle "to be present during sex" with their spouses/partners they cheat on.......... I think if civie people/review board admins, truly want to learn about sex work, or to understand their own sexual issues, perhaps they should seek out a sex educator, therapist, or better yet, become a sex worker. They should put an ad up the review board they promote, rent a room, and see some of the boards members.....do that for a few months, then come back and respond to some of the questions posed and which they have wanted answered. Then and only then will they ever truly understand sex work and what it means to be a sex worker..... I'm tired of civie people patronizing us by stating they "want to understand us" all while they make money off our asses, without doing any actual sex work. I take issue with any person who supports the fallacies of this industry, while ignoring the needs of those struggling within it. No one should believe that their "success" should be yours. Nor should it be promoted that if you don't look a certain way, make a certain amount of $$$, if you aren"t of a certain age group, or if you aren't a duo partner or friend of a "so and so" you then aren't valuable, worthy or respectful, within this industry/community.
When review boards stop giving voices to the types of clients who use them as their own podiums to abuse escorts they dislike, and uplift those they favor. When review boards stop giving voices to clients who talk about escorts as if we are a commodity. When review boards begin to be show acceptance to *all escorts* and stop supporting biases. When review boards start representing escorting truthfully. When review boards give escorts the safety and ability to be honest. When review boards start respecting and demanding discretion.....that is when I'll stop taking issue with review boards.