I've been socializing......
As a true loner, by all it's definitions. I caved and accepted an invitation to a couple of outings and broke my solitute. I agreed to meeting some new people. But doing so has just reaffirmed my reasons for becoming a loner in the first place, and for not wanting new people in my life.
I'll explain...... When you meet new people the first question they ask you is "So what do you do". I'm not a good liar, and I'm also a bit of an instigator. So I'll often give an answer which holds some truth, by saying, "I'm retired". To a certain extent, I am. Or I'll throw out hints, by saying, I'm a kept woman", lol, "you don't want to know", lol. Or "it's to shocking for you to accept", lol. I say those things to a certain few, depending on how nosey I feel they are being, or, if I feel they're asking to "size me up", to determine my worth, in their minds...... Then I sit back and listen to all of them talking...this crowd, were people of higher incomes, some retired, some with notable positions in life. Many were commenting about how they loved meeting new people of all types. Yet they only lit up when someone mentioned those of greater wealth, or those with more prominent positions than themselves. The typical stuff about who lived here, there, who's house was worth more, who travelled here, there, blah, blah, blah, was all of what seemed to be of interest to them. So much for them being accepting of all types and supposedly not impessed by fluff n stuff.
I keep my social circle very small now, within and out of sex work. I've learned by experience that those who claim to be accepting of all types of people, are often the most critical. And since I've suffered the ramifications of what happens when it becomes known that I am a (sw) sex worker, by being asked to leave a rental after a very long tenancy, by being outed by a man I was seeing, after I confided in him and he promised to keep my secret safe. And after being rejected by numerous people who gave me friendship, or what I percieved as friendship, when they thought I was someone with a "regular" job and not a sw (sexworker). By being turned down by other rental agents, by being rejected as a volunteer by some organizations, etc, etc. All of these things happened, and more, when I or someone else made it known that my lifestyle included dating for profit. Most people judge a person by their profession/lifestyle, by where they live and what they drive. And seldom does anyone accept this lifestyle without judgement or preconceived ideas. When some people know what I do, they no longer want anything to do with me. Regardless of my kindness, generosity, trustworthiness, etc. People judge, and people are biased. Most people want to be around people who can make them look good, or better. People in general do not preceive sex work, no matter how much you make doing it, as being respectful. They want to be surrounded by those who have a higher position, more money and like minded hobbies. It takes a very special person to surround themselves with those who walk a different, or more controversial path and who have different beliefs. It takes confidence, and a strong sense of self to do that. Most people don't have those qualities, most are so busy trying to impress others that they forget to impress themselves by just liking what and who they like.....instead of what society deems they should like or accept.
I'm so happy to be in a place where I can hug myself and truly appreciate the person I've become. I'm so happy to be able to meet people and appreciate them regardless of their position/status, where they live, wealth and instead see them for their character, compassion and kindness. I'm still a work in progress, but I know I've progressed and will continue to do so with or without other people:) You don't need to be accepted by other people to be whole, to life a happy life. What is important, is that you accept yourself:)